Travel Tips for your Toddler

Whew! After a sleepless night and early morning departure from Colorado back to Virginia, I peeled a sweaty Margo off my back and unceremoniously dumped her into her crib for a much needed nap. One beer and two pieces of cake later, I am feeling much cooler and much better. I made it. Even though I am used to traveling with my kids via whatever form of transportation, the feeling of tenuous edginess never goes away. So when one of my girlfriends asked me about my traveling "secrets" with a toddler, I instantly started stress-sweating just thinking about it- even in the safety of my home. I also laughed because in order to answer this question with any sense of accuracy would require extensive statistics and pie charts based on variables such as: weather, horoscope forecasts, moon and tide positions, previous two weeks sleep patterns, and/or whether mommy had enough to drink the night before.

At any rate, I gave it some thought and decided to share how I got through this last trip to Colorado with Margo, who will turn two in October. Here is a list of what was in my carry-on "one personal item" bag*:

1.  standard repertoire of hygiene products- diapers, wipes, butt-paste, poop bags. 
2.  child's water bottle
3.  mom's water bottle that she'd rather backwash drink from anyway
4.  2-3 new books and learn-along-tablet for throwing on floor or over the seat**
5. giant assed blankie
6. iPhone with Blue's Clues (she gave it a good 10 minutes!)
7. post-it notes, pen, bobby pins
8. dental floss
9. small bottle hand lotion and/or lip balm
10. toy truck for her to throw across the aisle**
11. bazillion snack packs- crackers, yogurt raisins, Clif bar, cereal poofs, fruit snacks that she may or may not have eaten, chewed & spit, crushed, thrown, or force-fed on other people.
12. mom's wallet to extract all forms of ID and credit cards

*some people bring extra clothes in case of blowouts, I threw caution to the wind and elected to not bring seconds. I also flew Frontier which meant I would have to pay extra for a "carry-on."

**completely useless 

Making short order of her Post-its.

Winners of this trip? Numbers definitely 6, 7 and 8. That girl loves to make messes, and guess what? Post-its and floss are super easy to clean up. I'm no expert, but I say if your kid has the attention span for shows, go with it. Travel is out of your routine anyway, and it's not going to ruin their precious minds. Same goes for food- some eat, some don't and it can change every time. Margo coveted the cereal poofs today, but last week went to town on the fruit snacks.

 Let me add a quick note about mom's needs- dressing for comfort and style: I tend to favor a familiar shirt/top that hides sweat, snot, or food and jeans/pants with pockets. First, make sure your tank top isn't so old that the button pops loose with every move thus creating a strip-tease and necessitating the use of available dental floss to tie it shut. Second, make sure your shirt isn't so stretchable that whenever your monster toddler climbs over you, they don't succeed stretching the shirt down to your belly button. At least I had the fortitude to wear a scarf and at least the other passengers pretended to ignore my clothing malfunctions. Third, if you forgo the belt due to security screening, make sure said 'pants with pockets' stay up, covering the entirety of your rump. No one wants to see that. But, I'm just speaking hypothetically. Yup.

Forced joint selfie with new light up princess bracelet. Not a big hit.
I'm not sure it even made it off the plane. 

All in all Margo did great minus a few verbal protests and attempts to vacate the premises. I think all toddlers have this amazing ability to liquefy their bones and slither through our parental clutches! I had her on my lap for the trip out, and thank God for my seat neighbor who entertained her a bit too (FYI: I always get an aisle seat if I can help it) by distracting her when my tricks failed.  Other people's lotions, iPads and tolerance of getting kicked by tiny feet repeatedly always helps too.  As for the way back, we lucked out big time by having an extra seat for her to sit in. I gotta tell you, it makes all the difference! Our row-mate hid in his window seat pretending to sleep and ignoring Margo's outdoor-voice commands for the 3.5 hour flight. 

Some people swear by strollers, and I am one of them. I know they are bulky and a pain in the ass to take apart, but if the kid(s) need to decompress and chill out, it's a great option. This trip I forwent a stroller and used a baby carrier to confine Margo during the luggage retrieval and walk from Metro. As the sweat ran from my head to my crack on the trek home,  for a split second I considered taking a taxi. But as you all know I am a cheapskate and find value in walking on my own two feet.  I made it home, thankful that I won't have to deal with the hardships of traveling for... oh crap... one week. And I get to do it all over again.  Stay tuned!