The great outdoors... and an awkward massage...again.

 If you're going to have an outdoor massage at a game lodge, here are a few things you should know: for starters, when the advertisement says "outdoor massage" it really means out-of-doors. There's no walls, no screens whatsoever. Sounds a little intimidating, but a little chic too.

The receptionist hands you a robe, orders you to strip down to undies, and to bring only what won't fall out of the baggy pockets. At first, the cozy white robe fits all nicely, reaching a comfortable calf length. Then you are guided out to the parking lot where the game drive truck is getting loaded up with a table, towels, and staff. They tell you to get in, but you must quickly figure out how to step up and into the truck without flashing all possible nether regions. You barely make it and sit down in said cozy robe and realize there's absolutely no give in the fabric. The length of the fabric instantly shrinks to mid-thigh leaving you to sit like a 1950's receptionist. The engine revs and the truck sidles down the bumpy road, past interested onlookers. Thank goodness you a) wore your bra, or b) don't need one. 

As the truck drives down the hill, you can still see the lodge up high, the pool a distant blue line. They pick a spot under a few giant trees and slightly behind a few others, and the staff sets to work while you stand there feeling super awkward in your blaring white robe and flip flops that have already snagged some thorns. But the view. Oh the view! You already drove past giraffes, oryx, warthogs, and baboons, and certainly there are more animals watching. Faintly green camel-thorn trees, bushes, and shrubs smear the dry, yellow-brown landscape. The air is hot on your skin, a nice reassurance when the breeze picks up. Then you look down and realize you are standing in two inches of animal poop. There's really no escaping it. That's okay because in the broken branches, you spot tons of grey and spotted guinea fowl feathers. You pick up a few because they are fun to decorate with, but you end up picking up a feather with bloody skin still attached. So there's a carcass rotting somewhere around here, but that's okay because you are in nature and that's what nature does.

By now the staff has set up the tables, so they bid the driver adieu, relying on spotty cell phone coverage because their radios are broken. The driver takes off like a bat out of hell and the masseuses order us to lay face down. It's cool. You've done this before, let the boobs roam free. Within minutes you are relaxing to the breeze, the buzz of insects, chirping of birds and... grunting of baboons. The time passes quickly until you recall having drank a liter of water prior to starting and now all you can think about is peeing. Peeing behind a bush half naked in a towel is not terrible thing, nor is sheepishly asking your masseuse to stop so you get up. It's not terrible when you stumble under the blinding sun to "privacy" and see a dozen waterbuck staring you down as you squat. What's terrible is that you waited too long, and you belatedly realize that you are peeing right into your flip flops and adjusting your position means you drop the towel and you pee on that too. Because, there's no stopping midstream. 

There's probably 5 or 10 minutes left to relax, so you hope that the masseuse didn't notice anything weird. Never mind the damp towel or muddy flip flops. You lay down on your back and force yourself into a state of zen. It's the perfect time to have the wind pick up and blow the towel right off your body which sends you into a fit of giggles. What else are you going to do? Perhaps it's an unceremonious finish, but decide this was all worth it when your partner in crime (your mom) wakes from her perfect massage, completely unaware of anything that had transpired. One bra, two robes, and shoes are back on while you wait for the truck to return and you try to make idle chat with the staff, but they already think you're insane and ignore everything beyond their cell phones. 

Finally, the serene moment must come to an end as the truck combi careens around the corner to pick everyone up. You pile into the idling hotbox, the driver first sets off the car alarm, and then attempts to drive. Alas, the tires are buried and the go even deeper as he totally guns it. That's what happens when you drive a combi into the soft sand. Take two: you hop back out and wait for proper transportation back to the lodge. Alls well that ends well. You change back into movable clothing, smooth down the oily flyaways on your head and prepare to drink a bottle of wine with your mom just to keep the moment alive for a little bit longer. 

Nope. Not awkward at all.

A joyous giraffe sighting on the way to the bush.

Setting up. Towels are you need in this weather.
But towel-face is a major downer.

Where the magic happened: mother-daughter trees of life. And death.

Oops.

Neuras Wine Estate

Around these parts, if you haven't booked your trips at least 8-12 months ahead of time, you're already too late. Rewind to  four months ago in July. Outside of rustic camping, I wasn't having luck finding a place in or around Sossusvlei for an October road trip with my parents. By chance,  I managed to book two rooms at a winery, about 80km from the sandy dune headquarters after promising the booking agents my children would be fine sleeping on the floor.

WINE. In Namibia.

It's an odd concept to wrap one's head around: the perpetual lack of water, finicky arid soil, and the fact that South Africa gets all the attention for its famous wine, it might seem that Namibia can't hold it's own. Surprisingly, a few wineries have actually made names for themselves here, and that's a very nice feeling.  When we checked into Neuras Winery, I noticed two things: one, concierge walked out to greet us almost immediately. Two, the entire place was fully booked by French tourists. After all, the French do know wine.

Once upon a time,  back in 1894, a German gardener showed up to grow cereals and veggies to feed the Schutztruppe, aka the "protection force" when Germany colonized southern Africa 10 years prior. Let's call a spade a spade: the German military occupied the area and they needed to eat. Apparently this gardener was good at his job and succeeded in cultivating the land, relying on nearby cold water springs, a rare occurrence in the Naukluft Mountains. The land was handed down/bought out through the years, and in 2001, the first bottles of wine were produced. A famous wildlife  conservation group named N/a'an ku se bought the property and integrated cheetahs, leopards, and brown hyenas into the landscape as well. Today, the Neuras Estate does just that: they make wine  and manage wildlife. They currently have 5 cheetahs on the property, along with a few domestics: horses, geese, goats, and a peacock.

Of course, like all places in Namibia, the landscape is gorgeous. We took a sundowner "game drive" to nearby Honey Canyon. Once we reached the view point, our guide pointed to well-used foot trails where Hartmann mountain zebra "would be" had they actually not moved off the land in search of water. According to our guide, this canyon was named by the San who followed their own paths to locate bee hives. The canyon is surprisingly colorful, stuffed with brown-red commiphora plants (they have a camphor scented resin), tall yellow grasses, and dark brown twiggy herbs that are shaped like tiny mitre (pope) hats. Incidentally, the latter bloom a lovely green color when watered- so we snapped off a few twigs to see for ourselves. It worked.

After admiring the plants, rocks, and sunset, we stopped by a well hidden bat cave to see them fly out at night. There was a group already there descending the flimsy metal ladder with iPhone flashlights in hand. Ironically, their guide sat at the edge as he dangled his feet over the entrance, commenting how he never did, and never would enter the cave under any circumstances. Our guide enthusiastically agreed with him, and casually mentioned we'd be more than welcome to go down ourselves with nearly 100% darkness. Thanks, but been there done that. Needless to say, Deets was NOT pleased with any of us. A few bats flew out of the crevice and that was that.

As far as Neuras Estate goes, it's a great place for kids and adults. We ended up with a 3 bed room, so no one had to sleep on the floor. Our towels were gigantic and the toiletries were my favorite Namibian brand, Desert Secrets. No air conditioning, but the rooms were plenty cool with a fan to induce white noise for our snoring party of four. Neuras has animals, penned in the "Cuddle Corner" near reception, and there's a pool, but the kids spent most of their time hanging out by the pond which is surrounded by tall bamboo and low hanging trees filled with weaver's nests. It was considerably cooler there than any other shaded place. Whenever the kids weren't there, they were getting spoiled rotten with attention by the staff who took them into the kitchen, behind the bar, played with them, and answered every single question asked. This alone made the trip awesome.

Lastly, the wine. It's good. More than good, really. It was excellent. They were smooth and clean, and imminently drinkable.  We signed up for a wine tasting and cheese plate (which we demolished) one afternoon, while the kids ran off to play. The only disappointing thing is their variety: they only bottle Shiraz and a triple blend (Shiraz, Merlot, and Petit Verdot). They have no whites, pinks, or bubbly, and the staff was uncertain of plans to make more. Plus, the bottles retail for more than I'd want to pay, compared to South African prices (we spend about 10-12 USD/bottle.) Each Neuras bottle sells for about N$250 (18 USD). No worries. We drank with enthusiasm and enjoyed quality family time down to the last drop. After all, "we are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine."

Stay here, drink here: http://www.neuraswines.com/

Honey Canyon.
Credit: Mark

Honey Canyon, commiphora plant

Zebra tracks, Honey Canyon

Bats, Honey Canyon
Credit: Mark

What a difference water makes. These are the broken twigs of the
seemingly dead herb from Honey Canyon,
I've since nicknamed: Mitre Plant

Exploring the pond, Neuras Estates

Joshlyn, one of the many excellent
employees at Neuras. Credit: Deets 

Peacocks lose their feathers every two weeks.
Credit: Deets

Dias Point, Luderitz

How windy is Dias Point really? Turns out: very. Based on several recommendations by fellow travelers, we set off to visit Namibia's windiest point, a teeny peninsula 19km south of Luderitz named Dias Point. I figured it would be a great opportunity to dust off the sand that collected in our pockets from Kolmanskuppe, and to bask in the glory of the Atlantic Ocean waves crashing against the merciless, rocky beach.

The dirt road is pleasant, but curvy enough that careless speed could ruin the journey, as the barren clay covered terrain rises and falls without pattern. Before we turned right to Dias Point, we watched a slew of cars continue south, following signs to Grosse Brucht, a popular yet particularly frigid swimming cove. I considered this briefly, but I prefer my beaches isolated, rocky, steep, tree lined, snow capped...actually, my perfect beach is a mountain.

We arrived to our destination: a camping area to the right, a red-roofed bar to the left, and a tall stone cross marking the spot where Portuguese navigator Bartolomeu Dias placed his own victorious slab of rock in 1488. It was placed in honor of King John II of Portugal upon Dias' return from the southernmost tip of Africa. He was the first known European to have reached the Indian Ocean from the Atlantic. The original rock has since disappeared, but the spot remains a national monument.

Stepping out of the car we noticed immediately that it was quite windy. I took a minute to read a dilapidated sign indicating we use caution near the bridge and staircase. No doubt: the wooden causeway was a total disaster, hanging on for dear life while water endlessly dumped over the slabs of wood. The thickly rusted metal "hand rail" was unstable, swinging disdainfully in many sections, forcing all of us to stoop low, one hand on a child and other on the stairs to avoid getting blown off. It would have been so satisfying to have a anemometer to see just how fast the wind raced past us, but I had to settle on watching Mark lean into it. The kids chose to hide behind the barricades, with tears of adventure (not fear, I swear!) streaming down their cheeks.

The view up on Dias Point is fantastic: huge ocean waves, endless rocky coast, oblivious Cape fur seals snoozing on an island, and a wide blue sky. We enjoyed it long enough to take a picture, and crept down to safety for more exploration. The beach here has zero sand, but millions of rocks and seashells along the cove. The kids helped me collect about 40 pounds worth of shells, sponges, rocks, and bones. I have no idea what we will do with them, but at the time, the mass collection seemed totally necessary.

With the windy and cool weather, it was easy to forget about the sun diligently shining down. I finally looked up from my searches, realizing we'd spent over ninety minutes on the beach and each of us desperately thirsty. Even better, I realized no one had started a fight, no one whined, no one complained- that "no one" being me. We walked over to the bar for some refreshment before driving back into town. 

Before we totally left Dias Point, Mark wanted to take picture of an isolated house opposite the peninsula. I had totally forgotten we could see flamingos, and he happened upon a duo on the shore. They took flight, completing his shot in the most perfect way. 

Heading to the Point

Yes. Still windy. 

The causeway.

You too, can have THIS much fun at Dias Point. Photo credit: Mark

Seal corpse

Flamingoes! Credit: Mark

Namib Wild Horses

The idea of wild horses is one thing: a romantic and untethered experience. Seeing an actual wild horse is... well exactly like seeing a regular horse. During our stay the Klein Aus Desert Horse Inn (700km south of Windhoek), I pined to be that rare individual who'd get to see horses tearing through the rocky desert, or enjoy them walking right up to the car window to eat an apple- some people get all the fun. But, I had to settle on watching them stand stock still, and from a very far distance. The theories of how Namibian wild horses came about though, are quite interesting, according to the lodge's poster presentations.

One theory stems from the time of WWI when South African troops were stationed in Garub, an area with a single borehole in the Namib Desert. Today's map shows Garub is located 15 minutes west from Aus. Something like ten thousand soldiers and six thousands horses loitered here between 1915-1925, next to the railway extending from Karasburg to Luderitz. South Africa had sided with the British, whereas Germany was fighting against them (against Russia, France, and Belgium as well) which meant inevitably, even in Namibia, Germans would fight against South Africa.

German forces bombed the heck out of Garub destroying camps and fences, sending the people and horses to run for their lives. Such madness ensured several hundred if not thousands of horses escaped into desert-clad mountains.

Theory two was based on a man who had a horse stud farm south of Aus in an area called Kubub. This German stud farmer, Emil Kreplein was also once the mayor of Luderitz from 1909 to 1914. Kreplin bred horses for the diamond mines and racehorses for Lüderitz, but during WWI, Kreplin was held as a prisoner with the South African troops. During this time, his farm went unsupervised and fell into disrepair. Horses escaped and went in search of food, eventually making their way to Garub, the place with an established waterhole. 

Perhaps it was there, that the stars aligned and Kreplin's horses mixed with the escaped South African horses and started a life of unbridled banditry in the wild desert. And, because of the restricted area (diamond country) extending 100km inland from the Atlantic Ocean, the horses were, and have been essentially isolated and protected. It been drought that has constantly been the biggest issue for the horses' longevity. There's an estimated 150 Namib Desert Horses at this time.

How can you tell which horses are wild and which aren't? Unless you are a horse expert or in the specific Garub area, it's hard to tell with 100% certainty. In 2001, genetic tests "indicated that Namib Desert Horses are one of the most isolated horse populations in the world, with the second-lowest genetic variation of all horse populations that have been studied to date," according to Wikipedia. Most of them are brown or chestnut colored and some have a darker midline stripe extending to the tail. The are capable of traveling large distances in search of food, and rarely play in efforts to conserve energy. The horses are accustomed to tolerate a certain amount of dehydration, a big and necessary advantage compared to domesticated horses. 

On the way back from Luderitz, we detoured to the Garub watering hole. We found 6 ostriches skirting the landscape, and about 30 tourists silently watching the empty watering hole, binoculars clasped tightly in their hands or camera lenses poised for magnificence. No horses would be seen on this particular day, so we left the patient spectators and saw a group of horses sauntering on the railroad tracks a bit further up. Maybe they were wildlings, maybe not- but knowing their history did leaving me feeling these guys are tough SOBs living in the desert, no matter what type of animal you are. 

More reading: http://www.gondwana-collection.com/blog/index.php/tag/garub-water-source/

http://www.wild-horses-namibia.com/social-structure/

Garub watering hole, in the middle of nowhere.

World's loneliest watering hole.

Hey girl.

Kolmanskuppe: the Parade of Homes for Namibia

When I was a child, my mom enjoyed going to the Parade of Homes, an event where people could pay money to gawk at fancy new houses filled to the brim with the latest taste in art and themes. Apparently it's been a popular past-time for many folks since 1949. She told me she liked going to get decorating ideas, but our house decor never really changed. I think the Parade of Homes is a cool idea, but since the houses were all new, they felt sterile and without a story to tell.

With my parents here for a visit, I thought I would do a likeness and take them to Kolmanskuppe, a town just outside of Lüderitz that was once filled with grandiosity, now a legitimate ghost town slayed by high winds and literally, tons of sand.

The story began in 1908 when a railway worker (Zacharias Lewala) found a diamond while working in the area. He showed it to his boss, a Swiss railway inspector named August Stauch. His name would be forever attached to the discovery and wealth, not so much for poor ol' Z. When August realized the sandy area was stuffed with diamonds, he and a buddy bought 75 acres of land and claimed the diamonds their own. According to the guided tour we attempted to stay with, (his speech was eerily similar to Wikipedia's) the diamonds came from the Orange River and washed into the ocean over millions of years ago. Waves and wind eventually brought them back into the Namib Desert, an area that fills 81,000km² of the country from stern to stem, along the entire western edge.  

When August claimed his fame, the diamonds weren't secret for long. A diamond rush set in, and the German government took over the area quickly, enforcing rules, regulations, and taxation fees. Ludertiz enjoyed a six year economic boom until 1914, when it all went to pot with World War I and the Great Depression. Mining continued for a few more years until bigger and better opportunities were found 270km further south... Kolmanskuppe was eventually abandoned in 1954.

During Kolmanskuppe's more lively time, German housing quickly sprung up. Headquarters was the Goerke Haus, home to the diamond mining director. The house was built like a Bavarian castle with a high stone foundation, rounded mural walls, thick brown trim, and a stately clock tower. The house contained a 9-pin bowling alley, a casino, theater, a massive kitchen, and other assorted rooms with wide ceilings and old timey, exposed electricity fixtures that reminded me of Frankenstein's time on the table.

As for the rest of the town, there was a school house, an ice factory, hospital, blacksmith shop, and bathrooms once equipped with luxurious bathtubs. How they managed decent plumbing in the middle of the desert, I am unsure. Regardless, with nonstop wind and oatmeal colored sand constantly shifting across the barren landscape, the residents had to keep most activities inside. 

Whatever happened to August? Like most romantic tales go, his fortune's worth depleted with economic decline, forcing him to return home to Switzerland where the poor man died from stomach cancer in 1947.

Nowadays, Kolmanskuppe is a popular and worthwhile place to visit. The entrance fee covers the English or German speaking tours, but unless you have bionic hearing, it's better to find the details in a book or ask the souvenirs shopkeeper. Besides, the best part is wandering from building to building where you are at the mercy of broken glass, rusted metal, and splintered wood. Enter through a door, leave by a window: there's basically no rules and 100% of the rooms are filled with sand drifts. Each room tells a story, with peeling paint, caved in ceilings, fingerprints on the windows still standing. 

You can buy the early bird photography pass to enter the gates at sunrise (and leave at sunset) which promises three things: really cool shadows and lighting, and fresh, untouched sand drifts. But really, Kolmanskuppe is another place that's easy to take a decent picture no matter your skill. The kids were in heaven, swimming in sand and darting through the hallways like monsters of the night. They played hide and seek, made sand angels and made up stories of who once lived in the "pink room" or the "turquoise room." 

We left Kolmanskuppe windblown and with about ten extra pounds of sand in the car, but the adventure itself more than made up for it. Beginners tips: 1. You can buy your ticket at the gate OR buy them head of time at Lüderitz Safaris and Tours in the town of Lüderitz. The saleslady we bought ours from was super crotchety and annoyed we bothered her on a Sunday morning. 2. Sunglasses are a godsend- if not for the sun, but the windy conditions. 3. Kkip the tour unless you are really into that sort of thing. 

Go to Kolmanskuppe's official website: http://kolmanskuppe.com/ for hours and contact info. Call them if you want to get an actual answer from an actual person. Otherwise, send an email and never hear from them at all.