Hiking in Mom Pants - Daan Viljoen

When I tried on the pair of outdoorsy pants I'd ordered from REI, my sigh was 98% relief and 2% disappointment- they fit, but were extremely high waisted. I could hide several sandwiches and an orange in them! To complete the image, I tossed on a long-sleeve button down and my chic sun hat. I can't pretend to ever have dressed well, and comfort wins out the majority of the time, but these pants felt foreign and showy despite their dull grey sensible coloring.  However, Mark and I were on a limited time schedule so I couldn't obsess too much, and I needed to stay out of the sun anyway.  The kids were at school on this lovely Thanksgiving holiday, so Mark and I decided to go hiking at Daan Viljoen, a wildlife park not 30 minutes away.

Mark chose the 9km Rooibos Trail and after paying our fees we set off on a hearty speed walk to the trailhead. I'd forgotten how excited he gets when he hikes! The trail was well marked and deserted, just the way he likes it. Despite the crunching gravel, high pitched reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee of the locusts, and the snowpant-like swishing of my pants, it was silent. We hiked up, nervous and terribly excited about what we'd see- several of my friends had seen giraffes at this park which set the bar pretty high. I'll tell you straight away that we never did. Instead we were treated to herds of zebras grazing and scrambling around the mountainside which I didn't expect.  I always figured zebras kept to flatter terrain like what we see on TV.  They're shy too, which meant their camouflaged hides quickly ran away even if we were separated by a valley. It made picture taking quite difficult. 

You know what's not shy? Baboons. Only an hour into our hike we saw a large group of about twenty baboons: in the trees, on rocks, and of course totally blocking the trail. The head honcho sat ominously on the ridge watching our every move. Question: what does a group of baboons with ugly butts, gnashing teeth and sharp claws get to do?  Answer: whatever they want.  Warning us to stop with excessively loud reverberating grunts, we backed down the path backwards. I joked maybe it would be less painful to not see them coming after us but Mark didn't think I was funny. At all. But, like all stubborn creatures, we didn't want to give up our beautiful day so quickly. Once the chief baboon stopped his warning calls, his followers kicked up the pace and continued on their path. Keeping a very respectable distance we resumed the trail, talking loudly, throwing rocks, and pausing every few steps to listen for more warning calls. Mark did anyway, keeping his damsel in drab colored sensible-mom-pants safely behind him 100 paces. About 30 minutes later we gained enough height on the mountain to ascertain the baboons had likely continued down one side while we could take the other. Peering over a ridge we saw them harassing a group of zebras on another mountainside which meant we would likely not be mauled today. Win!

Our hike continued unabated. Then it hit me: halfway through this adventure and I didn't have a single wedgie or pant adjustment to deal with! Everything was still firmly in place and I. Felt. Amazing. Except for my toes which were starting to blister, since we don't have our hiking boots (or the rest of our stuff) in country quite yet. I could ignore that. I was in the gorgeously dry bushveld, (sub-tropical woodland ecoregion) hiking with my favorite person in the world. 

My good attitude endured the remainder of the trail. Most of it. I admit the last fifteen minutes of the trail was tough: straight up the mountain, with a full on adult sized kudu decomposing right in the middle of it. I'd forgotten about that special type of smell. Eventually we petered out to asphalt lined with neglected buildings, trash, and a dead lake and dam- a place that was once obviously a thriving hot spot for glamping before Namibia's drought won, decimating the terrain. The reserve had no choice but to abandon this section and rebuild further in. However disappointing it was to see this, the hike was well worth the field trip. We got some exercise, didn't get attacked by animals (the trees and plants are another story. They have some crazy mad thorns here!) and my utilitarian pants solidified their place in my wardrobe. Let's just hope I don't start wearing overalls or housecoats any time soon. 

Emily in the wild.

Oryx.

Chief King Baboon warning heard
loud and clear: don't eff with us.

Windhoek in the background.

Mark considering. We would do it too if I let him.

PANTS! See the coverage?! So thorough.